Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Thoughts about Loss....

March 22, 2011 is one for the history books.

Today was tough.
Losing a child is so hard. 

So painful.  So..... empty.  

Watching your child suffer this loss is nearly unbearable.

I have never been able to verbalize my thoughts on early infant loss versus miscarriage due to lack of personal experience. 

Until now.  

(And I still have no direct personal experience with miscarriage, as in, I've never actually had one. Does a grandchild count?)  

Infant loss, I do know. 
I held my baby.  

I saw that he was a boy.  

I gazed into his dark blue eyes.  

I smelled that new baby smell that is irresistible and unforgettable and universal....  

(He has a name....Clint...)  

 I never had to wonder if he had my nose or his daddy's eyes.  

I never had to wonder if he was a new baby son or a new baby daughter.   I knew.

He has a name.  He has a memorial headstone.

After eighteen years... 

...he still has a name. 

I would trade places if I could.  I would take her pain, her questions, her uncertainty, her emptiness...

I would spare her these feelings in a New York minute, even though the ignorance would surely drive me mad.

But, I can't.

And that's all I have to say about that.  

I earn FREE Amazon gift cards just by searching the Web! Click the banner below to sign up for your own SwagBucks account and earn FREE MONEY in 2012!

Swidget 1.0

The things I talk about~

ABA ADHD anniversary Art Asperger's Syndrome Asthma Asthma attack Autism Autism Awareness Autism Awareness Day Back to School Beads of Courage Beale Street Believe Believing in myself Biggest Loser Biggest Loser Finale birthday birthday cake Black History Blog4CHD BlogFrog Blogging Body parts Book Sneeze Review box of rocks Breaking News Cade Cake camera hog cardiology CHD CHD quilt chickenpox chocolate Christmas Civil Rights Clever Girls Clint congenital heart disease congenital heart disease awareness CSN giveaway CSN Stores CSNBaby product review and giveaway CSNBaby product review and giveaway winner Cyber Monday Daily Blog Review Dare2Shine Dawg Deep South Moms dentist diet Discrete Trial Dish Network Disney diy Dollhouse Project DSL problems Easter easy canvas prints ecosmart Eli Elvis Emma's quilt Emmy Couture Epilepsy Excuses exercise family Family Friday family life family verse of the year FIAR first lost tooth Flu Focus on Autism Follow Friday Food Fran Friday Follow Friday ramblings Frustration Funky Heart Gigi-to-be Giveaway giveaway winner GKTW glenn shunt guest post Halloween Happy New Year high school holiday Home home decor Home School Wednesday homeschooling infant loss inquiring minds Jack joy Jump Rope for Heart kids LeBonheur Life 360 Lily losing weight Magical Moments Make a Wish marriage Me Medical Monday Memories Memphis Memphis Zoo miracles miscarriage Mississippi River Mother's Day My Garden Novica OHS Ouch Painting Perfect 10 Preschooler product review and giveaway product giveaway product review Project Living Room propeller questions Randomness reflection Review Week Room a Month Makeover Sam School School days scrapbooking Shelby Forest Shrek Simple Woman's Daybook small town life snow Special Needs SpellQuizzer Spring Summer SVT Thanksgiving The Truth Project To Do Tuesday Transformation Thursday Trent Tyndale Blog Network Review Ultimate blog party valentine's day Watercolors Winner winter word of the year WORDLESS WEDNESDAY WORTHY Writer's Workshop Yum